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D&D Rules for Pregnancy: Motivations

I have taken part in conversations regarding pregnancy in D&D for about as long as I have been talking about D&D. My general guideline about it is this, any subject that is incredibly difficult to have a conversation about in real life is likely to be nigh impossible to create rules for within D&D.

At this point, someone is likely to pipe in, "But it's hard to have a discussion about killing goblins in real life but the game handles that just fine," to which I'd reply that 1) clearly you don't have enough fantasy and gaming nerds as friends and 2) if goblins existed in real life such discussions would likely be a lot harder (but not impossible as ongoing bigotry demonstrates).

But I digress.


The birth of Saint Edmund, he is being nursed by a midwife w Wellcome V0014976

A more apt follow up question might be, "If it's so hard, why are you here talking about it?" And in some ways it's a really good point. It is likely that at some point in the following paragraphs I will mess something up. I will offend someone. At the same time, if I were to stay silent, what then will be the result? It's not like my silence will silence others.

Besides, as some of you may know, I've spent the past 18 months or so being pregnant and then taking care of a small human. And all parents have a need to give unsolicited advice to strangers. ;)

I kid.

I spent a lot of the time over the past 18 months thinking about pregnancy and parenthood in games, especially D&D. I planned to write about those thoughts anyway but at some future date when I didn't have to steal 5 minutes at a time to write a thing. But then two things happened. First, I realized that that future date was likely years away and, second, someone posted their homebrew pregnancy rules to a Pathfinder group and I realized I had things to say.

Before anything, I'd like to give a bit of a disclaimer. Any criticism and/or critique I give here is not intended to be a blanket banishment or condemnation of D&D rules regarding pregnancy in general or in specific. Also I will keep my conversation to D&D (including Pathfinder) in contrast to games with more narrative focused rules. I do not intend to suggest that pregnancy in D&D should be forbidden or that people who include it are bad because they include the topic of pregnancy.

With that out of the way. Let's start at the beginning.

Why do some people want pregnancy related rules in D&D?

There are plenty of motivations here.

  • Some folks live in cultures that are family and child focused and they can't imagine a world without pregnancy and children.
    Some can't get pregnant and want the chance to experience something in game that they will never be able to experience in life.
  • Some want to be pregnant at some point in their lives and use games like D&D (a form of play) to process and understand their feelings, fears, etc regarding pregnancy.
  • Some people would like to use the safety of a game to deal experiencing a infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a child.
  • Some people have been pregnant, loved it, and would love to recreate those feelings within a game.
  • Some people think pregnancy should be in the game but it feels less real to them if there aren't mechanics (crunch) that accompanies the story.
  • Some people desire a fuller model of the world so if their game has sex, they feel it should also have pregnancy.
  • Some people can't think of women without thinking of pregnancy and want to bring their real world baggage regarding female sexuality into the game.

Some of these motivations, to me at least, are more positive than others. The first five in particular show compelling positive reasons for including pregnancy in D&D and show that it can be a positive experience. The last three, however, tend to be the more common drivers and why a lot of D&D rules for pregnancy make some people, such as myself, want to run away from any discussion involving the topic.

More importantly, it's nearly impossible to design rules that meet all of these motivations and it's the last three that make it particularly hard to do so. For example, in order to have pregnancy mechanics, there often has to be an oversimplification of pregnancy. In movies and literature in the US, for instance, we often "show" early pregnancy by portraying a woman throwing up right after waking, commonly known as "morning sickness."

This oversimplification, however, is a common issue because while nausea is a common sign of pregnancy, it is not universal and for many pregnant people, it comes at a different time of the day. Most pregnancy mechanics that can fit on one piece of paper are likely to insufficiently recreate the experience for people who love being pregnant and want their characters to have the same experience. They are also unlikely to help a person prepare for pregnancy or to help them really understand what it is like to be pregnant. They might work ok for someone who can't be pregnant and wants to experience something like it in a game since it might feel "right" to them if most of their experience of pregnant people has come through fiction. For those that come from more family focused cultures, whether or not the mechanics feel "right" comes down to what the pregnant people in their life have experienced.

Now that we have a bit of understanding of the motivations, next time I'd like to explore prioritizing them, especially when it comes to conflicts between them. In the meantime, here's something real about pregnancy.

Pregnancy Fact:

A common test, at least in the US, for newborns is called the Apgar score. The test is done to measure the physical condition of a newborn child based on 5 criteria: Appearance, Pulse, Grimace, Activity, and Respiration. It is also named after the person who developed it, Dr. Virginia Apgar, an anesthesiologist. More info on the Apgar score

Visit to Capital City

Last week we were in Washington D.C. for our first vacation as a family. One of the things that struck me about the city is just how many groups have offices of various types within the city. Obviously the various lawmakers, government officials, and their staff need to have face time within the city, but I did not realize the diversity and extent of such offices until I visited.

Embassies

Let's start with a rather obvious one. Our hotel was in an area known as Embassy Row. It was interesting seeing all the various embassies, especially comparing their relative sizes. A fair number had sculptures outside, sometimes commemorating famous immigrants or just celebrating their culture.

The presence (or not) of an embassy can suggest a fair bit of how relations are between the powers. What is the size of the embassy? Is the building old or new? Do they house all of their staff (possibly due to safety) or do they allow their staff to live, work, and play among the capital's residents? May diplomats and other foreign staff bring their children?

Labor and Trade Unions


Another common occupant type I saw were unions. Laws often have various effects on labor and trade, both planned and unplanned. Groups often form to protect and advocate for their interests and just as with foreign powers, it helps to have your own space to do so. Not only does the space give your group a place to meet and work, it could also house permanent staff and/or provide temporary housing to visitors who are members of your union. The building itself can also be a form of advertisement for the group. Which unions have permanent space in the city? Did they decorate their facade? If so, how?

Social and Civic Groups

I found it rather interesting that the Daughters of the American Revolution has a large building facing The Ellipse. On each street I visited, it seemed like I found yet another social or civic group. One whose building caught my eye is called "Defenders of Wildlife."

What social and/or civic groups might have representation? What do their buildings look like?

Statues, Memorials, and Monuments

Everywhere we walked we came across another statue, memorial, and/or monument. Many were either former civil government officials or military leaders. Some were relatively small; a stone bench with some nice plants and a small plaque. Other times they were large, such as the Jefferson memorial. What statues, memorials, and/or monuments might exist? Who built them? What people and/or events do they commemorate? How do other groups feel about them? Are there groups that consistently aren't the subject of such commemoration?

Museums

Washington, D.C. is home to an abundance of museums. Part of this is due to the natural accumulation of governments of artifacts (think the Tower of London), but a large part is due to a conscious decision to build important collections and make them available to everyone (Smithsonian museums are free for instance). Museums can hold all sorts of items and which subjects are catered to as well as their proximity to common traffic tells us a fair bit about parts of that culture. Which collections exist? Whose life is enshrined in the exhibits? Which communities are often left out?

There's more that I experienced on my vacation than I can do justice in this blog post. But inspiration for your setting can come from anywhere, including something as simple as your family vacation.

D&D and Bullet Journal Mashup

Over the past year, I've been watching a lot of art videos on YouTube. Originally I started with videos about art journaling but over time the algorithms started adding in bullet journalling as well. At first I wasn't sure that the videos were for me but as I saw more examples of what people were doing with them, I got hooked and decided to give it a try this year.

Here's the description of what bullet journaling is from the website, BulletJournal.com:

The Bullet Journal is a customizable and forgiving organization system. It can be your to-do list, sketchbook, notebook, and diary, but most likely, it will be all of the above. It will teach you to do more with less.

One of the keys is to number each of your pages and to leave a few pages at the start of the journal to use as a table of contents. What you decide to put on each page is up to you. Also key is that you never go too far in advance. This allows you to experiment with new ways of recording and presenting information as well as figuring out what your style is.

At first, I did some really basic page setups, drawing boxes for the three types of daily items: tasks, events, and notes. For example, here's a Sunday from January.

Attempt at BuJo Dungeon

Drawing these boxes reminded me of creating dungeon maps, so the next week, I decided to draw a dungeon instead.

First, I decided the path through the "rooms," the various sections on the page that I will later do my planning within. All of the lines are done with Pigma Micron pens in black ink and various nib widths.

Next I went through and added the typical journal information, in this case the days and dates of the week. I also started some of the decoration, such as creating the chessboard pattern room. The days of the week were written with a Pigma Micron pen and the dates, headers, and coloring were done with Faber Castell Pitt Artist brush pens.

Finally, I decided to add some stamping to the page. I used Tombow markers to "ink" the stamps and then applied them to the page. Most of the stamps were from the Lawn Fawn Critters Ever After set (affiliate link).

BuJo Resort Town

The next week I decided to go with a town map instead of a dungeon. I wanted to do a resort town with a large hotel with attendant stables and carriage house. First, I drew in the corners of the planning boxes and penciled in the town map.

Next I went through and started inking the buildings and environment. For this I used Staedtler Triplus Fineliner pens, trying to keep to colors that would be easy to write over without interfering with readability.

Finally, I colored in with colored pencil the areas that I had inked with the Fineliner pens. I also used stamps inked with my Tombow markers to add some additional features and added dates and headers with Pitt artist brush pens.

BuJo Cliffside Town

This week, I went with a town map again, but this time I decided to explore a cliffside town. Again I only drew the corners of my planning areas. I had an idea of a society where people built octagonal houses. When their children were old enough to start a family, they built off of one of the walls of their home, so that the homes were interconnected. My inspiration for this was spending last week with my parents with my little one. While I worked during the day in the garage, they took care of little dude in their home, which gave me the idea of what if we could live in separate but connected homes that made this sort of community care easier.

I didn't have as much time to spend on this map as I had my previous ones, so it's a bit simpler. All of the map inking is done with the Fineliner pens and instead of coloring in areas, I drew lines to delineate areas such as woods, water, and beach.

So why do this? I've found that as I spent more time designing my bullet journal pages, I've been more likely to use it to plan and record information. Also, this is a good way to get in map design practice. Finally, much like coloring, I find it relaxing and a nice creative outlet while not requiring a ton of time, important when I'm taking care of a seven-month old in addition to working full time.

While I've concentrated on my weekly/daily spread, there are many other ways that a bullet journal could be useful for someone who likes to play tabletop roleplaying games. I could just as easily use a page or two to create random tables or plan my next campaign. Having the table of contents at the front makes it easier to not lose that information.

What happens when you engage - Epilogue

I debated intensely whether or not to write this but I think it's important to point out the full ramifications of what happens when people, especially those from marginalized groups, speak up.

For those of you who don't know, I spent pretty much all of 2016 out of gaming due to my pregnancy and then being one of two primary caregivers of a little person. In 2015, I had a few things going on when combined with the stress of what happened in 2014 meant it made more sense for me to take a step back from writing about gaming and doing other fun things, like coloring or reading. Most if not all of it still had a tabletop RPG angle to it and I continued on with the Tome Show although at a reduced frequency in 2016 because, well, pregnancy and then caring for a little one.

However, now that the little one is nearing 6 months, I'd like to get back into writing about games and maybe even designing again. I decide to poke my head out a bit and what do I find but this.

Content: I could also really understand how even women on this side of the insanity spectrum from Tracey Hurley would still find some of this material offensive. Not that I think "offensive" is a valid reason for "should not exist". Just, I could get people thinking some of the material here is really stupid, be it or practical or personal reasons.

Which is a pity, because the parts that aren't just smut for its own sake are usually pretty creative.

Not only is the quoted part in the review of a product I had nothing to do with and had not said anything about (I didn't even know of its existence), he used it to publicize his post in a number of gaming groups on social media, at least on G+. He falsely attributes opinions to me and then uses those false attributions to make the claim that I'm on the other "side of the insanity spectrum," whatever that's supposed to mean. At this point it's no longer about my opinions, but about me.

And all of this happened about a year and a half after my last "What happens when you engage post." And with the exception of my recent post highlighting someone I think draws pretty awesome maps, over a year since my last blog post. I also haven't been on G+ or Twitter much given everything going on.

I bring this up because many people said if I just ignored him, that it would stop. They said that it wasn't abuse because he was just responding to my current posts and it being the internet, what did I expect? But he has continued well past then. At what point will we see him for who he truly is? I get that he could just be baiting me into another fight that does nothing but feed his ego, but I think it's also important to point out that regardless of his motivations, this abuse is happening. And I'm far from the only one he targets.

This isn't someone trying to refute my ideas. This is someone who is convinced that I am "[a] person trying to put extreme ideological demands on this hobby.” More specifically, he believes I serve some sort of threat to the existence of OSR. Even though I have highlighted and will continue to highlight OSR blogs and products that I personally find useful or interesting. Even though the community appears to be thriving. Even though I talk up some OSR community members in my gaming friend groups. All the things he falsely claims that I am doing, he actually does.

I'm heartened to see people stand up to him, especially people who are no fans of what I write. If you want to disagree with me, that's great. But this abuse needs to stop.

Blogs I Love: Dyson’s Dodecahedron


I've been admiring Dyson Logos' maps for quite some time now. When I eventually get back to creating and publishing my own adventures, my dream is to have some of his maps accompany my work. In case you haven't seen them yet, here are examples:

The Three Tombs of Acker cartography by Dyson LogosThe Three Tombs of Acker cartography by Dyson Logos
Clayfield Village Cartography by Dyson LogosClayfield Village Cartography by Dyson Logos

Ink sketches and drawings of all sorts are among my favorite types of art but are among the type that I personally am not particularly good at. And I love a good map.

Fortunately, Dyson's site is full of them, over 460 of them actually. He has them organized on his blog in a variety of categories including by location type, adventure type, and drawing style. While the vast majority of them are for personal use only, he has put approximately 96 of them under a no-cost, royalty-free Creative Commons Attributions license that includes commercial use.

He is also quite active on social media including Facebook, G+, and Twitter. I've been lurking around on his posts for a while because he's just so willing to provide important information and tips not only on drawing maps but also getting them printed. For instance, his hints about using engineering prints from places like Staples has been filed away for my own art projects as well.

If you want to support Dyson Logos creating even more maps, check out his Patreon. He also has published a few books. They are available as pdfs from RPG Now and hard copy via Lulu. Finally, if like me you dream of commissioning a map from him, his commission rates are available here. No guarantees that he'll have time to work on them.

P.S. If you haven't seen it yet, some of Dyson's work was used in the Dungeons & Dragons Monsters and Heroes of the Realms Coloring Book (Amazon Affiliate Link).

Send feedback using the contact form or through twitter, @sarahdarkmagic.

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