GRAIN OF SALT (to be taken internally while reading this post): I am not a Twilight fan, and while I tried to give it a fair shake, I'm afraid a bit of sarcastic vitriol has worked its way into this post. Please bear in mind that my HIGH AND MIGHTY JUDGEMENT of the movie is not a high and mighty judgement of its fans. I'm glad other people like it, for it saves me the trouble of trying too hard, myself.
My first impression of the Twilight series was that it was about a girl named Bella and her struggle to choose which abusive relationship she'd rather be in: cold and controlling or angry and violent. I wasn't impressed with the characters, and found the idea of the central plot to be horrible. Recently, however, some "friends" of mine brought over Twilight: New Moon (and the appropriate RiffTrax as an accompaniment), and I finally sat down and actually watched it. The. Whole. Damn. Thing.
It's a terrible movie. Let's be clear about that. But even the worst movie has some redeeming moments and, in the proper context, can provoke discussion and interest, and New Moon is no exception. As I watched, I realized I'd seen these archetypes marketed to pre-teen girls and their mothers before. A pale, effeminate character who is vaguely aloof but very, very pretty? Legolas would only need a handful of glitter to translate into Edward Cullen. A dark and dangerous individual who, while being heir to an ancient legacy, still remains devoted to the one he loves? If Aragorn had a few tufts of fur on him...
It's not a completely cromulent comparison. Aragorn and Legolas had something that no character in New Moon has: depth. But the tweeny reaction to their onscreen presence? There are some very strong parallels to be drawn there. So, if we can draw lines, however tenuous, between New Moon and Lord of the Rings, and from there make the leap to D&D, then Kevin Bacon does so declare that I should attempt to mine New Moon for some sort of D&D trope application.
It was surprisingly easy. It only required a slight change of context and the removal of all of the horribly convenient plot devices that the author seems to rely heavily upon. Consider this: Vampires are hideous monsters. They are known to take to themselves a thrall, someone who becomes devoted to them due to the vampire's ability to psychologically manipulate the poor mortal.
If I look at the Twilight movies as the story of a thrall, told from the perspective of a thrall, many things begin to make much more sense. It turns Bella from a vapid, useless twit to a much more tragic character. Because the story is told from the perspective of one already socially manipulated to be devoted to her vampire master, it makes sense that Edward would be seen as a sympathetic character instead of the monster we know him to be. For all we know, vampires really do sparkle in the eyes of their thralls. If all Edward is doing is meant to break Bella further, to enslave her body and mind and ensure her complete, unshakeable devotion, then I say he's doing a damn good job at being a monster, as he should be.
With this, the context of the movie changes; I know there is no hope for Bella, but I can hope for her anyway, that she might break the enchantment of her vampiric lord. I can wait, breathless, as the shirtless Jacob almost manages to pull her from her doomed path, and question whether she'd really be better off with the shamelessly violent wolf-child or if her death as a thrall would be more humane. The sheer insanity of the movies becomes compelling fiction, if only we can remember that while Bella is a thrall, we are not, and we can tell the monsters from the men in the world.
This, then, applies itself far more liberally to a D&D plot. A poor girl's family beseeches help, as she has recently turned moody and violent, with screaming night terrors. Further investigation allows the players to realize that she has been visited often by a dark and mysterious figure, whom they discover is a terrible vampire. Perhaps the girl tries to dissuade the party from confronting the vampire; her defense of him would be vigorous and committed. The party can decide whether the girl is worth saving, both from the vampire and from herself.
This puts the party in the role of Jacob, then, which seems appropriate. It's not hard to translate one murderously violent character into four or five murderously violent characters who also seek fame, fortune, and adventure. If the party pursues the vampire regardless of the girl's feelings, finds his lair, and fights off his other minions, then finally confronting him could be the epic showdown in D&D that I kept praying for over and over while actually watching the movie.
Who knows what other otherwise dismissable media might contribute to our games? What sort of things have you sourced ideas from that may have been utterly ridiculous but you still managed to translate into an interesting and compelling plot?
Jennifer Snyder is an awesome all-around geek girl and a great proponent of tabletop RPGs. When she isn't busy playing games or wreaking havoc on Twitter as @Level30Yinzer, she works on the outstanding RPG-focused non-profit she and her husband founded in 2009. You can find more information at Level30Yinzer.com.
One thing I love to do is to give back to the D&D community, especially since it has given me so much. While I do this in many ways, writing my blog, participating in podcasts, one of my favorites is judging for the RPGA at conventions.
So I made sure I signed up to judge a couple time slots at Gen Con. I contacted the organizer for the event and explained my background. He suggested I run Learn to Play which is something I really wanted to do at PAX East. As the con approached, I learned something even cooler, I would be running Red Box!
Although I've played for only a year and a half, I understand what Red Box is about. For many D&D players, especially the ones slightly older than myself, the original Red Box was their first experience with D&D. At PAX East, Wil Wheaton described in his keynote how that original little box changed his life. While I knew I was already initiated, by the blood of my character, into the fraternity of D&D, I still was full of excitement, wonder, and antici-pation over the new version of Red Box. I wanted that moment of wonder and fear that I had denied myself nearly 20 years ago.
When I was handed the box on Wednesday night, I couldn't wait to open it, to see the wonders inside. Most importantly, I wanted to know what adventure I would be running in a little less than 12 hours. I could tell right away that pretty much everything I needed to run was right there. There were two booklets (one for players and the other for dungeon masters) a sheet of tokens (both monsters and player characters), a few blank character sheets, a few sheets of power and magic item cards, a double-sided map and a set of dice.
After taking stock of the contents, I needed to prepare to run this thing for the next morning. I have to admit, I streamlined the adventure a bit to run it for the con. Preparing eight encounters on 4 hours of sleep was asking a bit much of me. With a fair degree of sadness, I decided to ignore half of them. My players didn't mind and it allowed me to work within my comfort level.
Something to note about the adventure is the abundance of opportunity to explore and interact with the environment. Runes need to be understood, crates need to be busted open, and bodies need to be looted. This sort of detail fills my heart with joy. Similarly, they present skill challenges in a way that promotes conversation and the integration of challenges within the story line rather than as something that pulls the players out of immersion.
Overall my players really enjoyed the adventure and I enjoyed running it. I'm still not sure if it's something that someone relatively new can just pick up and run, but I think a new DM would be able to run it with not much more effort. This is particularly true if they are willing to wing it and not worry about the rules too much, just the way most people did with the first Red Box.
So, the big question, is this 4.5? My answer is no. Nothing felt different about running the adventure and while the character classes definitely had a different feel, they did not feel foreign to me. If pressed, sure, I'll say it's similar to a point release or a service pack, something that improves the system, fixes a few bugs, but is still completely recognizable as the original system. To me, they are just new builds of some classic classes, full of the goodness that came after PHB1. The rules are streamlined a bit to help new players (something I wish I would have had when I started) but the game felt the same way there as it did at my weekly table.
So what questions do you all have? I only have Red Box (thanks Wizards of the Coast!) and I don't want to spoil too much for you guys, but I will try to answer what I can.
Edit: One thing I would like to note. The pregens used at the convention gave the wizard magic missile and the only power that required a die roll was his daily. As a result, the players just used magic missile the entire time and their turns were over rather quickly. I won't say that the speed of their turn wasn't fun, but I'm not sure they enjoyed the characters quite as much as say the people who played the rogues.
So if you are wondering if I fell off the face of the earth or something, worry not. I spent the last week traveling to and from Indianapolis and my first ever Gen Con. I thought PAX East was amazing and yet Gen Con exceeded even that. One of the big reasons I had such a great time at Gen Con is the Dark Sun game I played in on Friday, run by Chris Sims.
Chris is an amazing Dungeon Master. I hope one day I can be as good as him, particularly when it comes to confidence at the table. He's also an awesome story teller and I felt more connected to his game than any other game I've been in.
Beyond Chris, I had the chance to play with two people I knew from Twitter, Jared von Hindman and NewbieDM. In addition to them, Robert Schwalb played with us. Rob was on my list of people to meet at Gen Con so it was a great honor and privilege to play at a table with him, even when he insisted having his character, Taewyn, constantly defile us, which meant we kept taking damage whenever he used certain powers.
Of course, he wouldn't have been able to do that if I didn't keep healing him with my shaman, Malamac, a good shaman and one who was particularly close to 3 other party members. Yet, he was doing so much damage, I justified it in that a living party was better than a dead one.
However, at the end of the adventure, I got my revenge. We defeated the big bad guy before he could finish his evil ritual. At this point, Taewyn thought it best to take over the ritual in case it would make him powerful instead. Since he had just killed, as in negative bloodied hit points, Malamac's close friend, I had to avenge the death. As a result, I attacked Taewyn, rolled a crit, and killed him.
So that is the story of how I was defiled by Robert Schwalb and how I killed his character. It was an awesome game and one I'll remember for a long time. Now to design some t-shirts for my group.
All the cool kids are doing it so I figured I would post mine as well. Fred and I will be arriving in Indy early, probably Monday or Tuesday. He's a big open-wheel racing fan so we have lots to see and do outside of the con.
7 pm - RPGA Judges Meeting
After that, hang out and meet some peeps.
8 am - 1 pm: RPGA Judge Learn to Play
2 pm - 4 pm: Monster Building Workshop
4 pm - 6 pm - Design & Development: Presented by D&D Insider
8 pm? - ?: DMing a D&D Hooters GenCon Interactive Adventure
8 am - 1 pm: RPGA Judge Learn to Play
1 pm - 6 pm: Hanging out in the hall and maybe a seminar or two
6 pm - 10 pm: The ENnies
9 am - 10 am: What's Coming from Open Design
10 am - 12 pm: Dungeons & Dragons Preview and Q&A Show
2 pm - 7 pm: Chris Sims' Welcome to Dark Sun, B!#@&s! game
8 pm - 10 pm: Media Meet & Greet
Leaving early to drive back, but should have some time free in the morning.
I'm really looking forward to this grand adventure and I'm glad to be sharing it with Fred. This is our first Gen Con and second convention ever (PAX East was our first). Yeah, we're a bit spoiled.
In particular, I can't wait to run Learn to Play and hopefully convince some people to play 4e D&D at home. I'll get to see the new Red Box in action and hopefully make my saving throws against sleep. I may even give voices a try. :)
The monster builder workshop will be a great time too. My understanding is that Greg Bilsland will walk through the monster creation process. (At least, that's my hope.) Greg is a great guy and I can't wait to see him again.
While it may seem strange to have me DM a game in Hooters, I think it's a really funny plan and is going to be awesome. This cartoon (NSFW!) sums up how I'm viewing that game. Hopefully my story will be able to hold their attention long enough to get through a game.
And finally, I'm so honored to be able to play in Chris Sims' game. He even created a character just for me (at least that's what I'm telling myself), using a concept I sent him.
Beyond those planned events, I would love to run my lumbermill delve while I'm out there. I also need to meet a large number of people and thank them personally for all of their encouragement and advice over the last year or so. So if you're going to Gen Con, send me an email tracy [at] sarahdarkmagic.com or a message on twitter. I'll also be tweeting and posting the best I can with my crazy schedule. Hope to see you there!
I had a great time running our regular game last night. No one quite wanted to stay on task but we still got through a bunch of story and encounters in the time we had together, which was awesome. The game started easily enough. Last session the PCs had defeated Ragdin and his henchmen when they came to collect the latest group of "volunteers" for the Shadow Army. They allowed Ragdin to live with the promise that he would make it easier for them to enter the mine where they are holding Sirius Darkmagic.
Mimics, Mimics, Everywhere
This session was supposed to be them going to the mine but, like PCs like to do, they took a bit of a detour. The bard was convinced that a man in town, Garel, still had the papers about the Shadow that he stole from various libraries. So they decided to break into the guys house.
Now, I'll be honest, I had nothing planned for this event. I mean, I knew where the guy lived, in the end, he was just a dwarf who had more money than sense thanks to the papers he stole. But the players had no idea about this and they started making checks for...every...movement. Perception to see if the door was trapped. Arcana to make sure it didn't have an arcane trap. The list just goes on. Believe me, I'm not complaining, but it told me they wanted something to happen.
Trying to think quickly on my feet, I settled on the idea of mimics. I invented a study on the first floor of Garel's house since that would be a good place for papers. Ok, so a desk full of papers, some chairs and bookcases. What to make into mimics? The desk was a bit obvious, so I settled on the chairs. True to form, they asked all sorts of questions about the desk but the chairs sat there, unnoticed.
So what should be the trigger? Ok, how about one old looking sheet of paper, its corner sticking out from the pile? On it, one word, "Die!". When the bard found the paper, lifted it from the desk and read it, we rolled initiative and had fun with the mimics for a bit. I think the players felt rewarded for their carefulness and they had the fun of reminiscing about instant death traps without their characters actually being in one.
The Shadow Army's Home Base
After they settled out the mimics and terrorized poor Garel, they made their way to the mine. I created this encounter months ago and I'm glad I was finally able to run it. The entrance to the cave is beneath a waterfall cascading off the side of a cliff. One both sides are recently constructed platforms holding dwarf fire archers. While they are using dwarfs to guard, they didn't use them to build, a fact gleefully pointed out by Ragdin to the PCs when they interrogated them. It didn't take much to trigger their collapse, and when the tumbling rocks also wiped out a bunch of minions, things were even more fun.
As the last minion and archer died however, a large form sprang forth from the pool beneath the waterfall. A dragon! It flew high into the air. A few seconds later, the body of a dwarf, Ragdin, fell and landed at the feet of some of the players. The black dragon then landed in front of them and taunted them the best he could. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice that you had turned Ragdin against me?" he asked.
A recent addition to the encounter, I created the dragon that morning. I started with the earthquake dragon from Monster Manual 3 and just changed some things to make it fit a black dragon better. I can't say that it's the best conversion ever, but I'm pretty happy with it. And the exploding aura is pretty awesome. However, working on this dragon did bring a few more bugs in Monster Builder to the surface, but I'm sure they'll fix it soon. One of them involves the additional speeds. For some reason it keeps putting the difference from normal instead of the full distance.
Overall the fight between the PCs and the dragon went really well, with the players honestly afraid for a good portion of the battle. I think having the elite rather than the solo was a great change. It had just the right amount of hit points to worry the players without dragging out the fight past the fun limit.
It was with great pleasure that I sat down with Sarah Darkmagic (of the respectable New Hampshire Darkmagics) and spoke at great lengths about our plans for world domination. Fear not, we do intend to shape it into a nicer place, molded after our own glorious images. Plus free drinks. At any rate, we rambled on as future benevolent dictators do, and Ms Darkmagic touched upon some ideas she had developed with regards to gods and other deities for a cleric she once played. She jokingly referred to a lack of a “menu of gods” to choose from at the time and went on to describe the deity she ended up half-inventing as part of her cleric concept.
But I was stuck on the phrase “menu of gods.” When we gamers play “serious” DnD, a cleric's path is no light matter, and many find their calling under dire circumstances, forever after strengthened by the guiding hand of their god. However, sometimes it's delightful to say “To hell with serious!”, and for those campaigns, I might present your choice of deity like this:
Jennifer Snyder is an awesome all-around geek girl and a great proponent of tabletop RPGs. When she isn't busy playing games or wreaking havoc on Twitter as @Level30Yinzer, she works on the outstanding RPG-focused non-profit she and her husband founded in 2009. You can find more information at Level30Yinzer.com.
Last night the players presented me with an interesting dilemma. They wanted to look throughout town for a item they already possessed. The bad guys who are trying to free the shadow from its prison are searching town for the key. The players would like to find it first, only problem is, they already have it but don't know that.
I can't fault them for forgetting. Sometimes I hit them over the head with information and other times it's a bit more subtle. In this case, a group of dwarfs the PCs had saved from a watery grave presented them with the only item they had, an artifact that the ship captain had tried to smuggle out of Andernach and one of the dwarfs had snatched before walking the plank.
But they forgot about the gift last night and they determined that their next move would be to find the key in town. I know that I could have reminded them but I remembered they weren't overly interested in the key when they received it either. Besides, having them look could be fun as long as it didn't take too long.
So when they went to the one person in town they trusted and confided in him the state of affairs, I quickly formulated a plan in my head. One of my players already had taken out a book to start looking through the rituals. I decided that I didn't want to make them spend any money on this and thought something custom might be better. I remembered that the PCs in The Slaying Stone are given scrolls that will help them locate the stone in the town and decided to do something similar here.
Their contact is Sunspeaker Deldaran, a devotee of Pelor (I'm using Hammerfast for Andernach). After hearing their story, he finds one of his colleagues, a rather tall, scrawny man in long, brown robes with mussed red hair and rather large glasses. Called Boniface, he is the bookish sort.
The two of them clean off a table and place down a map of Andernach. Boniface pulled out a long string with a heavy metal object at the end and explained that he will need their assistance to perform the scrying ritual since they are searching such large an area for so small an object.
The first round goes pretty well. Working together, they try to both guide the pointer and remember information about the section of town the device pointed to. Mechanically, I made them all roll their skills checks at the beginning of the round, and then we pieced together a story of what was happening. At the end, they knew that it pointed to the lore ward of Andernach, that quite a few likely targets existed there and one of them was able to assist in the arcana check the next round (with a +4).
With the general area narrowed down a bit, Boniface moved the device so it was centered over the lore ward and they tried again. Again, I had them make the checks at the beginning of the round. I attempted to resolve the non-arcana checks first and then I had to ask the group an important question. I reminded them of the time they saved the petrified dwarfs from beneath the lake of lost memories and that the dwarfs had given them a gift. At this point, one of the players remembered the key but I asked him to hold off on telling everyone else for a moment. Eventually, it was decided who had the item and I finished describing the ritual. They did really well on their arcana check so the device pointed horizontally, right at the PC with the key.
Overall, it was a great moment and while it took a little time to play out, it didn't take so long that the players thought I was wasting their time. While not every seemingly insignificant item will turn out to be quite this significant, sometimes it's fun to have one or two items that are.
The other day on Twitter, I confessed to a rather embarrassing incident from high school. As a freshman, I was in a "Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus" skit for our Christmas variety show. I played the role of Virginia, hair in pigtails, wearing overalls and skipping out to the middle of the stage, alone. After sitting down and swinging my legs back and forth off the edge of the stage, I started reciting the famous letter. At some point, I completely froze, the type of freezing where you can't even remember your own name. The audience felt it and, well, being an audience full of high school students, started laughing. I took a deep breath, stuck out my tongue like any little kid would do. Suddenly the lines came to me and I stuck up my index finger, waved it towards the crowd and said, "Wait, there's more."
Perhaps a rather extreme example of a common scenario in role playing, but a useful one nonetheless. Sometimes in the course of play, players freeze, some more than others. They will have that moment of extreme stress and anxiety and the feeling that they are failing at the game. And trust me, it's every bit as bad as doing it in front of an entire high school.
So, what do you do when a player freezes? If that player is you, remember to take a deep breath. If you have an impulse to do something, whether it's breaking eye contact, playing with your hair, etc, do it to help break the tension you're feeling. Often it's hard for the person in the midst of a freeze to do anything but wait until their brain opens up again.
If you are one of the other members of the table, especially the DM, call time out. Of course it varies from person to person, but often trying to pepper with questions or press on with the role play just makes things worse. The person who freezes feels that they are "failing" and with each question they can't answer or remark they are not able to make, they feel like even more of a failure.
During the time out, try to figure out what is causing the problem. Often, the player will feel like they have no idea of what their character would do in this situation. It might be a lack of information, if you just asked him to negotiate a contract for wages, he might not understand enough about the gold system to know what a fair counter offer would be. For me, I'm often an emotions-based player, so if I don't feel a strong connection to some part of the game, whether it's the NPCs, the setting, or the adventure hook, I'm much more apt to freeze. Telling me that the flowers are in bloom and that I can smell the sweet fragrance of lilacs might be enough to break me from the spell.
Now I have something else to confess, even though I'm prone to these sorts of freezes, I still enjoy playing charismatic characters. People often define charisma too narrowly. Not everyone with high natural charisma is in front of the crowd or on the TV screen. They are often the ones who quietly get the group together, negotiate in the background to make sure everyone's needs are taken care of, and who deflect compliments and other kind words to others. Charisma doesn't have to always be showy, just like you can have a quiet fighter.
When I play these characters, I try to make something in my background explain why I might be a little shy, particularly at first. For my first character, Sarah, I explained her as someone with front of the house looks and natural charisma but who viewed herself as back of the house material. This gave me room so that over time, as I played with the group and we got comfortable, I could mold her, and myself, into our true selves.
So the next time someone freezes at your table, particularly a new player, try to help them out. Pause the game for a moment, find out the issues, and try to rectify them. They might just need a minute to think or a better understanding of the scenario. As time goes on, they'll probably get a better feel for the game and the investment will be well worth it.
I'm spending some time reviewing and updating my Lumber Mill delve and now it's time to work on the second encounter. I have to admit, I love the thought of this encounter. But I'm not sure the original version gives me what I want from it.
So, what am I envisioning? I want a crazy looking gnome with the ability to direct the saw blades at the PCs but who also has a few powers to use when the blades are all gone. I also want to give the PCs a chance to play with the saws because, well, who doesn't want to play with flying saws.
Here's how I think the encounter should unfold. The PCs finish with the previous room and enter this one. In the dim light, they see a gnome standing in the opposite corner, laughing at them. That's sure to make their blood boil. Next, they hear the sound of buzzing from near the ceiling. The PCs notice the gnome pointing at them and one or more of them feel like the saws are looking at them.
Rethinking the Saws
Originally, I thought the saws would be controlled and powered by the gnome using his psionic powers. While that's cool, we can do much better. By discussing this over Twitter, I came up with a better idea. A small magical box in the center of the room powers the saws and the gnome is able to influence the power to control the saws. The box is bolted to the floor firmly and only can power the saws if they remain in that room.
This twist means that the PCs can attempt to seize control of the saws for themselves. My thought is that a PC trained in arcana, religion or psionics can use a skill check as a standard action to take control of a group of saws (the 12 saws will be divided into 4 groups of 3) if they meet a DC of 15. Since there is no psionic skill, we'll need to make one up. Characters with the psionic power source are automatically trained in it and they'll get a bonus equal to their charisma modifier. During his turn, a character determines the target for each saw group in his control as a free action.
In addition to taking over groups of saws, the PCs can attempt to disable the box using a skill challenge. They can use any combination of thievery (DC 15), dungeoneering (DC 15), arcana (DC 10), religion (DC 10), psionics (DC 10) and brute force (Defenses: 8, HP 30) to disable the mechanism. Each successful check deactivates one of the 4 groups of saws in this order, 3, 2, 4, 1. A failed check causes the current group to attack its target if possible. So if no groups have been deactivated, group 3 will attack on a failed check. If 2 groups have been deactivated, group 4 will attack on a failed check. After 3 failed attempts, the machine regains control of all the remaining buzz saws and targets the last character to fail the check. Characters can attempt to gain control of the saws at that point.
This gives the PCs a few interesting choices to make. Do they risk attacks by the saws in hopes that they can gain control over a group of them? Do they try to take over groups of the saws or do they try to deactivate all of them? Or do they just attack everything and leave the thinking to others?
Improving the Saw Master
Now that we've changed how the saws are powered and controlled, we can work on the saw master. First, he no longer needs a special power to set the targets of the saws. Let's also upgrade him to a quarterstaff instead of a dagger. I think he's a mean SOB and a dagger just doesn't do him justice. The Stinging Thoughts power is still pretty good, and since he's supposed to stand in for two monsters, I think having a recharge attack like that as a minor is fine. However, let's give him a cool at-will that he can use when the buzz saws are in play. Allowing him to give a group of saws and extra attack fits him pretty well.
So, when the PCs first enter, he'll attempt to hit them with blinding pain, point the buzz saws towards the PCs, giving preference to those who seem the squishiest, and then spend his action point to use guided strike to command one of the groups to strike at their target.
Now let's give him a little personality. This guy is actually the highest level bad monster in the delve. He's proud of what he does and takes a fair bit of joy in it, especially when it means attacking interlopers. However, he doesn't feel the need to fight to the death. When he gets bloodied, recharging his blinding pain power, he might want to run. At the very least, he might hide out and make the PCs think he ran and then rejoin the fight in the next room.
Well, those are the changes I would make to this encounter. Which ones would you make?
Yesterday I made a rather bold announcement on Twitter:
The only #dnd rule that I attempt to follow 100% of the time is that the game will be fun. What fun means is determined by the group. :)
Rob Donoghue replied that it's a dangerous rule because "it means you may end up violating every rule-based methodology of how it should be done. Which is not really dangerous, just Internet dangerous." I agree with him. The Internet is great for many things, but we will read what we want to from statements such as this one, particularly when the 140 character limit of Twitter limits our word choice.
The first part of the rule seems pretty easy. We play because we enjoy it and I have yet to hear of a group that follows every D&D rule to the letter. My observation is not limited to just 4th edition, people ignored or changed rules going back to OD&D. It's really the D&D way.
The second part is the hardest. First, it's difficult to understand motivations that we don't have and what it is about them that makes the game fun for others. If I hate puzzles, I'm going to have a hard time wanting them in the game or understanding what about them makes the player next to me do a dance of joy every time we come across one. This failure of shared understanding is particularly difficult for dungeon masters since we are expected to provide a fun game to a wide-variety of play styles, many of which are not our own. To some degree, it requires that we put aside our own egos and look at everyone's needs and desires.
In addition, this requires that we understand the goals of the rules. Rules generally aren't arbitrary, they are meant to encourage certain behaviors or reactions at the table. If we can understand why the rule exists and what it is trying to achieve, we'll be in a better position to massage it into something fun for our groups. The newer errata gives explanations for rule changes; I think in a large part to facilitate this sort of discussion.
This understanding helps us figure out which rules to enforce. For instance, many players are fine with getting hit by a monster, it's to be expected after all, but they hate missing on their attack. If you have a group like this and load up on monsters that give negatives to attack rolls or who have high defenses, your players may get frustrated at you, even though you are following the "rules." If the players are just rolling through the encounters, there are other ways to fix the problem, such as using terrain elements or choosing monsters with high damage paired with ones that give boosts to accuracy. Still all within the rules, but geared towards the group's desired play style and definition of fun.
Of course, to do this, we need to understand what is fun for ourselves and the other players. Unfortunately, this really only comes with experience. New players might have some ideas about what their play style might be, but it's not easy. While I knew that I loved tactics because that was my favorite part about playing Avernum, I also thought I would enjoy puzzles a lot more than I do.
Also remember that what you enjoy may change from group to group. In some groups, you might love comparing kill numbers with your buddy across the table while in another group, the focus might become who is the most cunning linguist. My best advice for the entire group is to play a few games together and then have a real conversation about what is and isn't fun. DMs should try to have these conversations on a one-on-one basis since people might be afraid of hurting someone else's feelings by saying something isn't for them.
Once people have an idea of what they want, it's time to provide it. Often this rests on the DM's shoulders but everyone should try to pitch in. For things most of the group likes, try to make them a core part of the campaign. With those items covered, sprinkle in the rest the other things your players like, possibly during their spotlight. Make them shine doing the things they love. Players can help by recognizing a spotlight scene and cooperate in making it awesome. Don't be a jerk and ruin it for the player or the group might devolve into petty squabbling.
One last thing, remember that DMs are players too. That means they get to have a say in what happens from time to time as well. They shouldn't abuse it; if most of the players like the role play and the DM consistently hand waves every tavern scene, that's a big problem. On the other hand, if the DM likes to run a tactically hard combat every once and a while, maybe it's best to acknowledge the motivation and let it go.